Who has the power on your life? A question I asked myself after reading Saby’s text on how to build more confidence and authority and behave more as a leader/influencer in any environment: social, professional, personal. You can find the ways of doing it here:
What I noticed in my interactions with people is the fact we like to victimize ourselves. In general, we consider that the reason for our emotional distress is external. The others did something and with their actions they harmed us. The boss that treats us badly, the lover that doesn’t value us, the friend that takes us for granted. And we continue with the same behaviour hoping for the things to change because there’s no other choice, isn’t it?
Now let me ask you a question: Who do you think has the power in a BDSM couple? The Dominant or the Submissive? Hey, don’t be a prude! I know you watched 50 Shades of Grey if not also read the books!
You may be tempted to say the Dominant. But then, another and maybe more important question, is: What gives them that power? And the answer is acceptance of the Submissive. You see, the dominated person sets the boundaries for the power that the Dominant has. And with one word the Submissive can take that away.
Coming back to the real world, where there are other types of Christian Grey, not as charming as the romanticized version from the movies/books, you may understand that my analogy is not that far from the truth. The ones that have dominant positions in our lives have it because we allow it, we set the boundaries, we give them the power. Including the toxic people we feel that have control on us: professionally or personally.
The reason I’m saying this is because it happened to me too. Not the BDSM part, but to consider myself powerless in some professional circumstances. And blaming others for my situation.
Only after I shifted my inner believe to thinking I’m valuable and useful did I get to be seen, heard, listen to and respected. I used some of the life hacks that Saby described in the article I mentioned and believe me, confidence radiates!
I took my power back and the ones that I consider powerful became powerless and didn’t know how to behave as I changed the rules of the game. I simply set new boundaries. And yes, I enjoyed the transformation even if it took me a while!
So, if I ask you again who has the REAL power in a BDSM couple what would you answer? Who sets the tone for the relationship?
You may think I have a twisted mind and I make the weirdest connections, but the point I’m trying to transmit is that you have a lot of power inside you even when you think you’re at the will of others. It’s a matter of perception.
Try it and let me know how it works. There are always at least 2 options in every situation you think you’re stuck in. Acceptance is one. The other options depend entirely on you.