What’s the driver in your life: Fear, or love?

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More love less fear

In our day to day lives, we are constantly busy making long to –do lists, planning, managing and executing. We have to do this and that, go to work, do some sports, must attend that meeting, must clean the flat and cook dinner,… Must lose weight, must eat healthier, bla bla… Isn’t this never-ending madness of obligations driving you insane?? Why are we making ourselves this busy? And is this necessary? The answer is actually quite simple: there are only two basic motivations for any action that we do (or don’t do, for that matter) – and they are both fundamentally different.

Motivation #1 tells us, if you (don’t) do this, something bad is going to happen… It’s the fear of the negative result that drives us to (in)action. For example: “If I don’t attend the meeting, my client will be disappointed and complain to my boss and I will get fired.” Will you really?? Probably not. “I have to clean my flat because if I don’t, people coming over will think poorly of me, maybe even talk behind my back and I will lose my good reputation and all my friends, and I will die lonely.” Really?? Come on, it’s not that bad.

But, in case you haven’t realised it yet (or you’re a one of a kind exception), let me tell you: Our minds are CRAZY sometimes!! Completely out of control! Don’t believe all of your thoughts. DO NOT, this is a sincere warning! Next time you catch yourself on a train of thought like that, ask yourself just this simple question: Really?? Just like that, you’ll be able to cross of a few items on your to-do list… and add a few more items that you actually enjoy doing. That’s what I call time management! 😉

Now, let’s get to motivation #2: Love! Of course! There should be plenty of examples in your life for actions you do, and don’t do, out of love. Maybe you love your sports, so you go to yoga or play football. Or you clean the flat, because you want to treat yourself to some comfort in an environment which makes you feel good. You go to work, because you just love your job. Or you don’t go to the meeting, because you rather help a friend… If you think about it, you will realise that actions that are based on love as a basic motivation feel much easier and almost effortless. You enjoy them, because they make you and other people happy.

Now I invite you to reflect a little bit on your day. Were most of your actions driven by love or by fear? If it was the latter, think about a way to adjust your plan for tomorrow. Sometimes, it already helps to shift your motivation from fear to love just by changing your attitude towards an action. And you might remember: actually, I don’t have to do this, but I want to.

The more actions you do out of love, the happier you will feel. Imagine this new life!



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